Shavua tov (good week) friends. I’ve decided to embark upon a new project. Following Shabbat, I am going to
blog about all the things I learned during this sanctified and blessed slightly more than 24 hours outside the realm of time. We are told that Shabbat is to be a miqra kodesh, a holy convocation/rehearsal. The director told us to mark our calendar because we have some lines to go over and blocking to become familiar with. If we need to run through lines with other actors, he’ll get the message to them too. I’ve concluded (for myself at least) that this does not mean that we must meet with a group of people to fulfill the purpose of the day, although this is not precluded. For the first Shabbat, every man stood at the door of his own tent, all eyes upon Moshe as the cloud of divine glory covered him as he met with the Holy One of Israel who was revealed in the burning bush. Our primary purpose is not to meet with others, but to show up for a scheduled, weekly audience with our eternal king, and if anyone wants to join us, they are welcome.
Today I studied the parsha and prayed for the well-being of my family. I had a good talk with No. 2 son – no he is not second-rate, just younger 🙂 It felt like the added holiness of the day, or perhaps my entering into it a bit helped me to draw out what was really bothering my son, suspend judgement while listening and hopefully offer some advice that he may decide to apply at some future date. I say, “may,” because everyone knows what teens are like. If teenagers are known to be stubborn, Aspie teens take stubbornness to a whole new level. No, it wasn’t nice when his older brother relayed that Joshua* puts the ass in Aspergers, but it was descriptive.
One thing I learned from reading a book about praying for your adult or thinks-he’s-adult child is that the hardest thing to do is forgive those who have hurt your children, including, or perhaps especially, the other parent. I’m sure most of you find it easier to forgive someone who has harmed and wounded you than one who has injured or caused pain to your children. That momma bear keeps wanting to rise up, and she really needs to go hibernate now that the cubs are grown, sort of. Besides, it is far more helpful to support and guide them to resolve their own issues and handle their own problems than to provide them with a solution or fix it yourself.
My eyes were opened to the fact that while another person did some incredibly selfish and self-serving things in willful blindness as to the long-term suffering and harm to the kids, my reaction to that bad behavior actually had greater impact and caused more damage because I was the one around them all the time and the primary caregver that they were dependent upon. But they have kindly forgiven me; at least they tell me so.
One time I asked the Holy One, “What is my problem? What is it that trips me up, distracts and derails me? The word came to me, “permeable.” “You are just too permeable.”
- The cell has a permeable membrane.
- <a permeable fabric that allows your body heat to escape will be much more comfortable in the summertime>