Mom’s Snarky, Guilt-Tripping Advice to Her Son on PayPal Message – Ha Ha

Michael, I hope this is helpful.

Please see a doctor or chiro and get a referral from a friend. There is not a lot you can do for soft tissue damage, and I assume you were checked out so you know nothing else is wrong. Massage, heat, ice, ultrasound and medication can help if pain is bad but better Advil, or you know what, than Vicodin/narcotics, etc. If you need x-rays please get them. You should have used ice following the injury to limit swelling and later heat or alternate. You didn’t tell me if you received any immediate medical attention or not, or if your friend the Polish attorney did. I assume the Polish Neo-Nazis left his girlfriend alone?

I want you to eat better than Burger King all the time; it is not healthy. You can buy food at the market and make salads and sandwiches even though you do not cook, or find a gf who can cook for you, or eat at the kebob place where they call you, “my brother,” which must be healthier, as you are already an honorary Muslim for getting beat up for being mistaken for one.

Please, Jewish moms know everything, and mom knows you are spending too much time partying and you are likely drinking too much beer, not healthy as other things are safer. Plus beer is fattening, as you know and you were concerned you were putting on weight by eating too much junk food also and not going to a gym and you can’t run on concrete due to your RA.

Yeah, I know you don’t drink Vodka and only drink craft beer, and Jonathan told me how much he liked the Polish and other Eastern European beers I bought him, as I can’t drink alcohol now and am not that crazy about beer, mostly like Japanese rice lagers, hate hoppy stuff you guys like.

I know, not many Jews in Poland, perhaps especially Poznan, not as much a major city as Warsaw, but maybe go to the community center and find nice family, nice girl to cook for you and help you organize yourself like that girl from Seattle you met in Budapest. I don’t think you take too good care of yourself, as it is obvious. Maybe you will come home for Passover or something and you will get a ticket back; I will pay it myself if necessary. So then you can get your visa, get a full-time job, or do that business you wanted to with Jason and help your mom someday? You are 25.

I hope your friends get a laugh out of this if you show it to them. I know I am the cool mom among your’s and Jonathan’s friends. The son of our long-time family friends I connected with on FB, as the last time I saw him, he was five and ran away in the mall and hid under the clothing racks, and I wonder if he still does this at 31 when his gf wants him to go shopping and look at clothes with her?

Love you, and if you can’t be good be careful, as it looks like you haven’t been. xxxxxxxxx

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